Eliza Skinner

Okay! You’re stranded on a desert island, what top picks do you bring with you?

Book: What!? How did I get on an island? What happened to me??

Album: ALBUM? Fuck you. Is there a stereo on this island? Can it be converted to broadcast? Who am I kidding. I wouldn’t know how to do that if I tried. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???

Magazine: Jesus, I don’t know, whatever is biggest. It’s going to get dark eventually and I’ll need to burn something to stay warm…and keep the animals away. Oh Christ I am going to die.

Kitchen Appliance: KITCHEN APPLIANCE??? Isn’t that defined by being in a KITCHEN? Fuck, fine. Ok, an ax. You know, a kitchen ax. GO WITH ME HERE, I AM TRYING TO SURVIVE.

Movie: Do you mean DVD?  I guess Dirty Dancing, I don’t think I’d get sick of that.… WHY AM I ANSWERING THIS?? Get me off this fucking island!

TV Show: That — that doesn’t make any sense. Again, do you mean DVDs? What am I watching this stuff on? WHO ARE YOU?? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF HELPING ME???

Cupcake: Okay. I get it. This is some kind of fucked up Saw thing. You are trying to break me.

Make-Up: WHATEVER I CAN DRINK. FUCK YOU, YOU MONSTER.

A lot of times, people try to look especially good when they are going to see an ex. Sort of to say “look at what you’re missing!” I don’t get that — why give an ex the smug satisfaction of thinking ‚“Yeah, she’s hot — and I totally hit that! High five, self!”?

So, I prefer to look as shitty as possible when I know I am going to see an ex. Sort of to say “Yep, you stuck it in this trashbag. Still proud of yourself?” Then, if possible, I eat noodles in front of them.

No one gets the better of me!

We went to see Alan Cumming’s solo show last night. Walking in, I was kind of lukewarm on Alan Cumming. I mean, yes, he’s cool and hip and played Nightcrawler, but…meh. (And my “meh” I mean the Anniversary Party made me want to tear my eyes out and once I saw him at a cafe in NY and thought he looked vaguely smug.) So I was not expecting the wave of ohmygodiloveyouyouarethecoolestletsbebestfriendskeepsingingforeverrrr that hit me as soon as the show started.

He was charming, he was fun, he sang the pants off some songs — all of them really interesting choices. For instance, every squeaky 18-year-old Kristen-Chenoweth-hopeful who wants to sing Taylor The Latte Boy should be forced to watch Alan Cumming do it first. I mean, that song makes me want to murder myself, but his version practically — practially, ya’ll — made me cry. But like in a laughing “yes! Yes! We’re all ALIVE!!” way? Like you’re skipping with a baby unicorn? Like that. Taylor The Latte Boy. What? I KNOW!!

My one complaint is about the woman seated behind us — the early “woo“er. She seemed to have a lot invested in being the first sound heard after every song, so as soon as the final note was finishing she’d scream  out a big “WOOOO”. Like he made a song touchdown. To be fair, it was probably really important to Alan. He was probably up there on stage thinking “I wonder if Denise at the back of the balcony likes this song. How will I know?” And then she’d “Wooooo” and he would know. She does. She does like you Alan.

Yay!

2:18 — I die.

Of all the projects I’ve been a part of, being in an all-girl band was one of the best and most important. Stickerbook started out as a joke and quickly became a for-real band with gigs and roadie boyfriends and everything. We had the good and the bad of being in a band — the fights, the fans, everything short of the heroin/sex addiction. But we made music together, and as fruity and bullshitty as it sounds it was bonding and empowering as shit. We ended up getting busy with life and getting married and other things, and now we haven’t played together in over a year — but I’d still throw a punch for any of those girls.

Music is magic, ya’ll.

One of my former bandmates has now started a program to help African girls in Rwanda start a musical group — a dance group. She’s working with a non-profit in Rwanda called Ubushobozi Project:

As most of you probably already know, I’m working with a non-profit in Rwanda called Ubushobozi Project.

The girls of Ubushobozi have expressed serious interest in starting their own Intore Dance Troupe. Intore is the traditional dance of Rwanda. It involves singing, dancing and drumming and it has HUGE cultural significance in Rwanda. It’s beautiful to watch.

To do this, they will need a professional Intore coach and some instruments to start with (mostly bells for the feet/ankles and a drum or two).

They have already completed an interview with a man who runs an Intore dance program and he found the girls to be extremely serious about this (and very good dancers).

He suggested to us that we put them on a 6mos training program and at the end of the 6mos we evaluate their dedication to continue. If they’re doing well, we will then invest in the traditional costumes, wigs and other necessary props.

These girls never ask us for anything so for them to do so really tells us that this is something they want.

An extra-curricular activity like this will increase the already incredibly strong bond they share and give them another opportunity to make some extra money. Good Intore dance troupes are in demand in Rwanda.

I’m hoping you all can help us fund this project. We estimate we’ll need about $350USD for the first six months.

If you want to help Betsy and the girls of Rwanda get their drums and start their group — you can donate using the link below. It’s only $10 to make someone’s dream come true. Straight up dope.

Donate!

Hey crazies!

If you’re in Edinburgh and want to come see our show, we’re on at 5:35 every day at The Assembly Hall on the Mound. Baby Wants Candy — improvised musical with a full band. Last night Aidy ended the show by jumping over three gnomes with Brendan’s actual underpants on her head. Tonight? WHO KNOWS.