Desert Island Picks

Okay! You’re stranded on a desert island, what top picks do you bring with you?

Book: What!? How did I get on an island? What happened to me??

Album: ALBUM? Fuck you. Is there a stereo on this island? Can it be converted to broadcast? Who am I kidding, I wouldn’t know how to do that if I tried. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???

Magazine: Jesus, I don’t know, whatever is biggest. It’s going to get dark eventually and I’ll need to burn something to stay warm…and keep the animals away. Oh Christ, I am going to die.

Kitchen Appliance: KITCHEN APPLIANCE??? Isn’t that defined by being in a KITCHEN? Fuck, fine. Ok, an ax. You know, a kitchen ax. GO WITH ME HERE, I AM TRYING TO SURVIVE.

Movie: Do you mean DVD?  I guess Dirty Dancing, I don’t think I’d get sick of that…. WHY AM I ANSWERING THIS?? Get me off this fucking island!

TV Show: That – that doesn’t make any sense. Again, do you mean DVDs? What am I watching this stuff on? WHO ARE YOU?? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF HELPING ME???

Cupcake: Okay. I get it. This is some kind of fucked up “Saw” thing. You are trying to break me.

Make-Up: WHATEVER I CAN DRINK. FUCK YOU, YOU MONSTER.


6 Responses to Desert Island Picks

  1. jd says:

    This is fantastic. Thanks for lampooning these bullshit “getting to know you” questions. “If you could turn into poop from any animal in the world, which animal would you pick and why?” Keep rocking out, Eliza.

  2. theo says:

    I know which book i would pick: how to build a raft.

  3. Paul says:

    Started to read this expecting straight forward answers, very funny, great post!

  4. Mark says:

    LOL… see what I mean? This could be a bit for a routine or a skit somewhere! Great stuff.

  5. NakedCritic says:

    I laughed hard at this. Well done!

  6. Mark says:

    This is funny but I get the feeling of internet deja vu taking place… I mean, another Mark who has an affinity for Detroit (the photo is that of the Joe Louis fist sculpture downtown) liked this entry too! (yeah, I know it was me… I must really think you are funny… too bad that Omaha is so far from the cool stand up circuit… good look Eliza!)

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