It’s not that I hate everything. It’s that I hate things that people in my demographic should love. For instance, “We’re having a fund raiser for our performance art collective/t-shirt company this weekend.…” Great. “It’s at this microbrew karaoke bar.…” Love it. “And we’re going to have a raffle.…” Heaven! “And burlesque dancers!”
I’m out.
I hate burlesque. Or, rather, I hate modern hipster burlesque — the kind that is in a back of a bar on Wednesday nights. It’s like being a hipster junkie or street punk. You’re choosing a survival job — one that pays a ton, by the way — and doing it for fun and almost no money. I would love to see a burlesque dancer tell a stripper about her hobby.
Burlesque dancer: “So, me and a bunch of my friends put on wacky costumes and then dance around and strip. Oh, AND we get paid! In drink tickets.”
Stripper: “I make $800 a night.”
Burlesque dancer: “Well, I get to feel sexy on my own terms. It’s practically performance art.”
Stripper: “I own an apartment, and I don’t have a dayjob.”
Burlesque dancer: “Yeah, but you’re demeaned. And I get to wear a sailor suit!”
Stripper puts cigarette out in Burlesque dancer’s eye.
I feel the same way about fireworks. Why does everyone like fireworks so damn much? Stars — stars I like. But fireworks? It’s way too much stress. “WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO BE FOR THE FIREWORKS?” “DON’T MISS THE FIREWORKS!!!!!” “BE SURE TO FIND SOME SWEATY PLACE TO STAND WITH A BUNCH OF CRYING CHILDREN WHO CAN’T SEE THE FUCKING FIREWORKKKKSSSSS!!!!!!” Then once they start it’s just noisy light vomit.
BAH HUMBUG.
I can only hope that this post doesn’t destroy my chances for getting invited to parties ever again. Unless they have fireworks or burlesque dancers.
I feel the same way about burlesque and fireworks. Though it just occurred to me that I would be mildly curious about a combination of the two.
I’m with you. I’d also like to offer a punch in the face to the next person who tries to recruit me for roller derby. Not interested. Will never be interested. Ever. EVER.
… … … I love you.
Burlesque dancers have now been added to my personal list of “do not like” along with fireworks (always thought I was the only one), circuses, shopping as recreation and wearing extremely high heeled shoes and so much more…
I’m sorry you don’t like fireworks.
Even setting them off yourself isn’t fun? It became enjoyable when we started blowing up ruined computers, microwave ovens, and other broken electronics…but that’s blowing stuff up and not really fireworks, I guess.
Making a ‘puter vaporize is certainly therapeutic…
“Stripper puts cigarette out in Burlesque dancer’s eye.” BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
“I like to strip, yet I dont like to work out, not from an eastern block country and I’m allergic to body spray.. whats a semi-employed art major to do?”
Fucking THANK YOU! If I have to be subjected to another crew of irony artistes taking their clothes off while I’m trying to see a band or just plain drink I’ll get up their and start taking my clothes off. That’ll be pretty.
(I also dislike fireworks. Thanks for lis’nin’, y’all.)
I like you.
I’m with you.
I can’t stand burlesque. I live in the heart of the hipsterest suburb (fitzroy) in the hipsterest city (melbourne) in Australia.
Too ugly to be a stripper?
Not talented enough to be a dancer?
Become a burlesque dancer.
This brought me a ton of joy. Thank you. In other news, I hope you’re fantastic. From what I hear, you’re tearing up NYC (and Edinburgh!)
Best,
Kath Williams
i love fireworks…but i come from a small town and have been setting them off myself for years. my facination with blowing things up molded most of my military career lol.
@Chuckula: i know this is an old blog entry and no one may read this but if you do, go to youtube and search sig vs dell hehehehe
Way to fucking go. You just made me laugh so hard in this coffee shop that I unfortunately let a rancid and echoing beer fart that included a string and precussion section. There is no way in hell I can try to play it off as some other noise. It clearly just came out of my asshole while I simultaneously do my silent-shudder laugh and tears roll out of my eyes from the hilarity of the Stripper Burlesque exchange. Now the workers of my favorite coffee shop think I have some sort of horrible epilepsy disease that causes me to gasp and shit my pants and I have to find a new coffee shop so that they don’t start bringing me scones and treating me like a retard-mascot.
HAHA, people named Eliza who hate burlesque even though they should love it… we should form a club!
But I do like fireworks, except that they’re too loud. Thank you for your amusing post.