B&E —
As many in the Metro Detroit region have had happen to them, I recently lost my job to the evil “Economy Monster” that plagues the land. As a result, I’ve had to give up my home, and move in with friends, to try and cut costs. Compound that with having to fight “Unemployment” to get some money to sustain me in the meantime, and the harrowing task of hunting for a job in the land of the jobless, and you can imagine how much my mood has deteriorated.
It’s to the point that I can’t even enjoy, and sometimes partake, in the things I once loved (capataining my dart team, cheapo in-house pool league, karaoke with friends.) I’ve even found myself incapable of writing new posts for my blog, or my spot on Funny or Die… And those are the two things I take my most immense pride in. Instead, I’ve find myself turtled up in my room most nights, searching aimlessly for a job, and overdosing on internet cartoons.
My question is: What would you recommend as a good “mood boosting treat” to snap me back into the land of the living. I know my financial means are very limited, but I’d have to think there is something cheap/free I can experience to bring me out of the slump I’m in.
(And no, sadly, a day trip to NY to see an I Eat Pandas show is not an option, though I hope someday it will be… I know, shameless kiss-ass move, but I had to.)
- Kenny G.
Eliza: Wow, that sounds really shitty — I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having a rough time. It sounds like your financial kick in the teeth is leading to some actual depression, so first of all I’d say make sure you get out into the sunshine and walk around, listen to music that makes you feel good, and do what you can to ward off the anhedonia. (I assume that therapy or medication are probably out at the moment.)
Next, I’d suggest you begin a forced life of awesome. a few years ago I decided that I wanted to make sure I had an awesome year, so every week, I vowed to do at least one awesome, out of the ordinary thing — and keep a public record of it. (See YAT) I can’t tell you how much it improved my mood and my life in general. If you know that you have to do something awesome every week, you will be likely to say yes to things that might have otherwise rolled by you unnoticed. When things don’t come up, if you know by Monday night you have to have some awesome experience to list you seek them out. Or, you start valuing the things in your life and noticing how awesome it is to just hang out with your friend’s dog for the afternoon.
Bentley: Dude, I am so sorry. You have to just pick up your sax and keep going though, man. The world needs your smooth, easy jazz — now more than ever. Maybe get a haircut, though. And when it gets really rough, just get in the bathtub and lick your ballsac — always works for me.
1. For whatever reason, the whole “mysterious traumas” comment made me laugh uncontrollably. Is there a chance I have sustained a mysterious trauma, that even I don’t know about?
2. If a certain someone I know, not me, got put in a headlock by Tony the Tiger and punched in the stomach at a grocery store, should he tell people because it’s funny, or keep it a secret because he lost a fight with a fictional character?
3. I love tomatoes and peppers, but very occassionally (and randomly) they break my butt at 3am. Where do I go from here?
Eliza: 1. probably not. 2. tell people, but only if it’s true. 3. Start enjoying onions and eggplants.
Bentley: 1. yes, definitely. 2. get a bike chain, find the tiger and change the story. 3. enjoy the ride, my friend.
Dear B & E–
I recently found out that my favorite book is getting turned into a new TV series and, as you can imagine, I’m uber excited about this. It would be, I imagine, how Eliza would feel if House was turned into an interactive musical video game graphic novel. In fact, I am so excited about this that I want a job on the production crew. The only problem is that I don’t know anyone in the entertainment industry and don’t really have a resume suited toward, well, talent and fun. I’ve written to everyone in charge of anything even remotely connected to this project and, naturally, haven’t heard anything back. What can I do to get my name and/or resume considered without turning into a stalker and leaving messages on their bathroom mirrors?
Desperate to be seen
–J
Eliza: I don’t know if you live where this TV show is going to be shot, or if you have any skills relevant to a production job, or if you’re crazy — and those are all important variables. But let’s assume you do, you do, and you aren’t.
If I ran an Orange Julius…mostly I would be wildly depressed and suicidal. But ALSO, I wouldn’t hire you just because you came in of the street and declared that you enthusiastically love Oranges. In fact, I would back away from you slowly mentally cataloging any distinguishing characteristics so I could relay them to the police if you turn out to be one of those rageful violent crazies. BUT, if you had worked at Orange Juliuses before and had references from people who said you weren’t crazy, I’d hire you in a second.
So what you need to do is to start to build an actual career in production. A lot of the people who work crew in theaters also do it for TV and film — small non-union theaters always need help, you can volunteer if they don’t have actual jobs available. It’s an opportunity to build skills and meet people who can help you. Depending on where you are, short film or video producers might be looking for crew also. Work your way up from there.
That is, IF that is what you really want. It sounds like what you might want is to go live in your favorite book, which is not what the set of a TV show is. Consider that this dream could ruin your favorite book by making it your job instead of your escape.
Bentley: Find out the name of the top producer guy or whatever, ok? Then make a rap video about how you would make birthday sex to him. Try to dance a LOT in it — people like dancing especially. Put that shit online with your phone number or the phone number of your closest payphone. Wait for the call to success!
If we didn’t get to your question this week, don’t worry — we’ll answer it next Friday.
If you have any questions for me & Bentley, email us at bentleycrabcakes@gmail.com
I wish more of life’s problems could be resolved in hypothetical Orange Julius terms.
Excellent advice to J… from both B AND E.
First off, I must say how honored I am that you chose my story to respond to, and it is truly touching to have read your caring words (Yes, more shameless kiss-ass, but what sort of fan would I be if I didn’t?)
Secondly, call it a weird twist of fate, but I actually found some food for thought in your response to “Desperate to be Seen” as well… Maybe there’s a theater around here to voluteer at, or maybe even work at and solve my finacial woes. I do have some training if film and production that might get my foot in the door.
Thirdly, let Bentley know that the bathtub here is too small, I’m not that flexible, and this new neck brace is very uncomfotable.
I had no idea Bentley was like a cross between a frat boy, Jack Keruac, Anne Landers, and the stoner/bongo player who lives above me. My mind is kinda blown. Had i known this earlier, I would have given him a LOT more kitty treats and belly rubs when he stayed with me.….
All cats are socialists when it comes to other people’s property. And they have excellent intel regarding nature and quantity of treats, as well as a directory of idle hands nearby. If it was in your power to offer more treats and belly rubs, and you chose not to, then it’s no wonder he didn’t offer you any advices.