Dear Mr. Perry -
You know I love you. I’m not totally on board with Madea, but still — love. No one can write a fuck-off/praise-Jesus speech like you can! Or a “Woman, why won’t you let a good man love you?” speech. As an actor, I would LOVE to be in one of your projects, but as a white girl my chances are slim. So I’m proposing a few possible parts I could play in one of your movies:
- Nasty White Sales Lady “Please don’t touch those shoes — they are very expensive. Perhaps you would be more comfortable shopping somewhere else, like Food Lion.”
- New White Girlfriend “I’m sorry, Levar is in the shower right now –” [shocked expression while being yelled at; shrieking while wig is snatched]
- Corporate White Boss “Angela, I understand that you have plans with your crippled children this weekend, but we have to work to do. Business work. You’ll just have to choose between work and your family. See you Saturday.”
- New White Wife “I’m sorry! I am sorry that James and I fell in love. I am sorry that I’m not you, and your kids hate me. I’m sorry I can’t figure out how to brush Nicole’s hair. I can’t do anything right, and I’m just sorry! *SOB*”
- Retarded Girl Next Door “How come you left your husband? He mean to you? You used to cry a lot. I work at McDonalds. LEMONADE!”
Please contact me to discuss these roles further.
–Eliza
Thank you for mentioning The Food Lion in your post today.
Food Lion represent! Also: marry me.
You’re just all sorts of funny rolled into one.
Love it. Maybe a role on the new sitcom he created for TBS?
Oddest thing about Tyler Perry? He plays the Head of Starfleet Academy in the next Star Trek movie. I think he’s President Medea.
It’s ok to have a comment.
You might not be Jewish, but you sure have Chutzpah