I won’t grow up / I don’t wanna wear a tie / Or a serious expression / In the middle of July.
I have two looks when it comes to dressing myself — Very Fancy Lady, and t-shirt dumpster. This is fine when I’m going to a Very Fancy Event, or a badger hunt/comedy show. But at almost all other times I am either uncomfortable or making other people uncomfortable. Comments like “Wow, you look really nice. Are you going somewhere later?” and “Huh, funny t-shirt. What happened to the ass of your jeans…uh, nevermind,” are equally bad signs. What’s a grown-ass dame supposed to be wearing? Chico’s? I would rather tear off my eyelids.
I have tried to achieve a middle ground by mixing and matching the fancy and dumpy — but I just end up looking like a 13-year-old who is angry that she has to spend Thanksgiving with her family. (“If you’re cold, honey, you can wear that nice sweater your grandmother gave you, not that hamburger sweatshirt. I don’t know what that hamburger means, and there’s a hole in the armpit. You look much prettier when you smile!”) Once I got ready for a date with the help of my friend, Pat — a bearded man who dresses exclusively in black anime t-shirts — and ended up in a New Years Eve dress, dirty vans, and a broken backpack. Other girls get dressed with girlfriends and end up looking like slutty princesses — I pre-game with other nerds and end up looking like I am ready to make a speedy getaway on a skateboard with my pet dinosaur.
I suppose this shouldn’t be a major problem, but I am starting to worry that it is indicative of a larger issue. If I cannot dress for the job/life I want, how can I ever live it? I have watched my friends become more and more successful, as I brush doritos crumbs off of my hilarious t-shirt and continue to dick around making zombie movies. Maybe the problem is just that I can’t dress like a grown-up. I am still dressing in the styles I mastered in 3rd grade (playdate or Christmas). Maybe I think Chico’s is horrible because it is clothing for WOmen, with BOOOSOMS and WOMBS, instead of rags for chicks like me, with titties and babytraps.
So it looks like I am going to have to grow up a little, at least in terms of what I wear. From now on I am putting a spending freeze on funny t-shirts, and investing instead in sweaters. I can’t promise I won’t buy myself some fly dunks, but I might also get a pair of sensible flats. Ugh. Gross. No I won’t — Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it also wasn’t miserably boring. Baby steps.
UPDATE: Nevermind! New wardrobe here: http://www.animalmascots.com/foam.php
Thanks, DBilly.
well, I think that is a problem with most of us growing up in the post 60s era of the world. for me torn jeans and a tshirt is just too damn comfortable and cool not too wear it, but sometimes it does make me look like the bums in my area.
so once in a while I decide to not just wear tshirts anymore, but instead wear collared shirts. don’t get me wrong: I will still wear the tshirt with the cool print, but under the shirt. if it is a really cool tshirt I will leave the shirt unbuttoned or make sure it is such a light colour that the print will just shine through.
another one of my faves is to dress like a sneaker pimp. that means a suit (well tailored) but with my older pair of allstars. maybe also a collared shirt with enough print of my tshirt showing as well.
IMO just the right mix between class, nerd and rock’n’roll star. I am sure that if you would take me out like that to any occasion, we will get looks suggesting thoughts like: “look at that”, “what the hell are they wearing?”, that really is a fashion no no”, but combined with a: “wow, but they really do pull it off”, “I’m jealous that they get to do this”, and “is he in a band I should know about?”.
i would just dress fancy allll the time if i were you. which im not. but, besides that point, you look amazing when your all fancy. just try to dress down the fancy… make it look a bit more casual, but keep that hot, hyper intelligent fancy girl look.
Ha ha. Chicos.
Well I think.…. Wait, You have a pet Dinosaur??
Hey I’m the same way, but a little backward. I wear jeans and a t-shirt (thermal today… cold out) to work; slacks, french cuffs, Italian shoes, etc. when I go out in the evening. Hell, I rarely shave for work. But that fits with the job/life I want. Work and life are completely separate for me.
Coworkers who expect me to look nice for them can kiss my ass, but when I’m painting the town, I don’t wanna look like I’m painting my bathroom.
My wardrobe generally consists of plaid shirts from the drug store, jeans from Goodwill, and pajama pants that I wear under my jeans (A. To keep warm, and B. So that if the butt of my jeans rip out I can go “Looks like Domo’s hungry! OM NOM NOM!”)
Depending on the occasion, I usually partner that with a trucker hat or a beanie.
In fact, one time my Mom actually yelled at me “NO! You are NOT wearing plaid to see Phantom of the Opera!”
Badwick — I have never been inspired to be a mother, before now.
I wanna be the Drip w/ Shades to your Happy Drop.
http://www.animalmascots.com/01-F0074/Drip-With-Shades-Foam-Costume-Mascot.html
http://www.animalmascots.com/01-F0075/Happy-Drop-Foam-Costume-Mascot.html
First stop: Chicos.
Second stop: Mom Blog.
(from my own real life experience)
I don’t see the problem, my perfect job/lifestyle involves eating Doritos and making zombie flicks. If thats what you dig, then.. Homerun!!
you should come see the nutcracker with me dec 16 at the Lincoln center. we can dress however we want to damn it
I think you looked awesome… though I didn’t know your backpack was broken at the time.
I should also point out that I wear anime and comedy shirts most of the time, but when I’m performing at harold night or house managing, I wear dress shirts (untucked).
I keep it simple: black t-shirt, slept-in jeans, and ratty black Chuck Taylors. I don’t even care. When my friends give me the sass about my “wardrobe”, I stare blankly into space, mouth agape until their minds move on to more important manners: buying me beer.
That Pat helped you get ready for a date is hilarious.
Fuck you, Chico haters…I wear Chico’s shit all the time! And I don’t look like a suburban mom! The trick is: I wear it with stilletos and an attitude! It’s called mix-and-match, people! Plus, some of us without little skinny bodies would look stupid in hipster gear! So listen — Don’t get snotty about old Chico’s, Y’all. It just makes you look bad.…..
I enjoy your writing. You are talented.
Sto Sr