Modern American Collection of Monologues submission #1

Why does it smell like catfood in here?
I know it’s not me, because it doesn’t smell like catfood in the other room.
20 minutes ago, it did not smell like catfood — it did not smell like anything. I left for 10 minutes, and when I came back — mysterious catfood smell!
Is there something in my purse that’s making it smell like catfood? Wallet, ipod, phone — oh I should check my phone.
–
–
–
–
–
–
No new messages. Just an old one I forgot to delete.
–
–
–
–
GOD WHERE IS IT COMING FROM????

Ok, now I have to crawl around looking for it. Smelling for it, really.
–
–
–
–
–
–
I found a dime. But NO CATFOOD!

Jesus, maybe it IS me.
Or the computer?
No, but my computer smells a little like armpit. Great, now that is a whole ‘nother problem!

Oh my god, it’s my shoes. Will’s goddamn cats made my shoes smell like catfood!! I didn’t smell it in the other room because I was standing when I went in there. That is so gross! I have to go home and change after work now!

That’s a lie. I’ll just go out with stinky shoes. I’ll blame it on the homeless people.

–fin–