On Saturday, Cracked posted an article I wrote for them about fear and horror movies, called The Real World Fears Behind 8 Popular Movie Monsters. Check it out!
I must say, I am sort of proud that in between the “your retarded”(sic) and “lame, they just let you do this because you have tits” comments some people are actually discussing the subject (as silly a subject as it is.) Using your brain a little can’t hurt — good for you, denizens of the internet!
But hey, don’t bring my boobs into this. Don’t attack them. That’s just low. It’s like seeing a perfect majestic unicorn and then punching it in the face. I guess powerful magic can be scary.
I really enjoyed your article on Cracked, epecially on the final film, The Thing.
I followed their link to this site and I’ve had a lot of good laughs reading your previous comments. Well done madam.
That was a great article.
And that would be ridiculous to punch a unicorn in the face, but doesn’t that put a lot of pressure on your boobies comparing them to such a gloriously majestic creature as a unicorn?
Dumb people need to stop having babies for sure. It’s so true what you said. When I was in Quebec I felt like I was in a zombie film with all the tourists cramped into a city the size of a postage stamp. They wander and gawk and bump into each other every step of the way.
Good article, liked the Grudge entry. Nice tits.
I gotta say, enjoyed the article, but the commenters make my head hurt.
I’m really not sure who irks me most:
A) The self-righteous gutter dwellers who feel the need to tell you how wrong your opinion is (without even acknowledging that it IS an opinion), just to claim their opinions are the Real Truth (without acknowledging that they are, indeed, opinions… again…)
B) The ignorant sloths who, as much as the wish they were those listed above, are not, and compensate with small-minded attacks on your gender/intelligence/talent..
C) The typical thread response curse of commenter-on-commenter trash talk, dredging on for so many posts that it’s impossible to ignore them…
All in all, a good article, disgraced by computer-desk critics…
- Kenny G.
Oooooooh my mama-bear claws just came out reading all those comments! I definitely have to commend you — first for being so well written (seriously, awesome), and then for being able to take all that venom and just keep putting yourself out there! How do you do it? I think you rock…and my opinion is SO much more important than all those angry geeks
Let them that want none have memories of not getting any.
I read the Cracked article and instantly became a devoted fan. I thought it was as funny, well written, and intelligent as your blogs, particularly the zombies, Chucky, and Leatherface/masked slasher entries.
Given the chance, I would run-not-walk to see a live performance by you or Glennis or both.
That Klondike commercial rules.
I also found your post about work vs. talent and Mary Lou Retton quite inspiring.
Thank you.
To all the Eliza haters out there I say, “Joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck.”
I’m sorry. That was rude. True, but rude.
And it probably killed my chances of dating you. Assuming you could look past the long-distance relationship, my herpes, my prosthetic leg (interestingly, it’s the thigh that’s fake, the rest of my leg is real), and the lunar landscape that is my acne-riddled face.
Which I’m sure you could. You’re not the shallow type.
Oh, I forgot. This might be dynamiting fish in the backyard pond, but what about Godzilla and other giant monsters? It seems like Godzilla was based on the fear of city-destroying bombs, which makes the monster in “The Host” different because that seemed more about a fear of an empire-building country over the ocean taking over your city and regurgitating your daughter.
How come ElizaSkinner.net and not .com?
You’re funny.
I loved the article and almost, almost trolled for fight against the haters who thought they were reading a dissertation. I mean ok, John Wayne Gacy was scary but he is not the reason clowns are scary. Like parents are reading from Killer Clown the story of Gacy to their kids at night. They should be, but they are not. You also had me thinking the Grudge would have been much scarier with music from Foreigner in it.
you had me at zombies.
.com was taken. Creepy, right?
Wonderful article! But don’t be so cruel to vampires. Yes, they suck in every way but the literal one nowadays, but it wasn’t that long ago that they did cool things like turn into tiny bats and spark discussions between ten year olds about how the hell do you avoid crosses when they’re damn near everywhere. Look. I’m crossing my eyes right now. Take that, Dracula!
Enjoyed the Cracked article so much, I added you to my Google Reader subs. So far, not disappointed. =)
The Cracked article in question is what got me to this site in the first place… granted, I really didn’t need to have another site favorited, but at least your blogs are clever, funny, short, and surrounded by pictures of you.
Funny… a unicorn wouldn’t impress me all that much. It’s a horse with a horn… so what the f*ck? I would be more impressed if I came into direct contact with your boobs (impressed with myself, or fate, or whatever did the trick…). At the moment, bumping into the unicorn does make for a better story (well, depending on your POV, I guess).
I certainly wouldn’t punch either one. The unicorn would stab me to death and why would I ever want to hurt you?.… wait, I flubbed that.… YOU would stab me to death and why would I ever want to hurt a unicorn?
I loved the article, and followed it here, and find the posts i have read to be pretty freaking cool. I really like your writing style, and the level of humor you have. Thanks for a cool site, i am sure its a treat to catch one of your shows.
Count me among the new fans who found you through the Cracked article. It’s funny how someone you don’t know about one day can suddenly become required reading/listening. Continued success!
I also like the fact that your mom and sister comment on your writings. I was chuckling to myself: they couldn’t just call or text you; they literally had to share it with the world.
Are you really “dead inside”? You should try surfing the internet.
I want the names and e-mail addresses of all “Eliza haters.” They will pay..
http://www.cracked.com/members/blahdeblahblah was one of them, M.…
(Hurray, vengence!!!!
)
- Kenny G.
Well done, Eliza.
“They are now imaginary gay boyfriends for goth girls.” Everybody knew it, but articulate it they could not.
Creepy indeed. I’ll bet someone’s banking on your becoming rich and famous (or more so) and bought the name hoping to sell it to you later in life.
The only way to thwart them now is to start failing miserably.
Ah, what would the internet be like without bitchy commenters and fanboys?
Nice job on the article.
I hate clowns because they are just assholes who presume you must like them on sight because they wear make-up, dance and wear a silly hat.
But will give clowns credit for being able to fit so many clowns into one tiny car. We could learn from their thrift.