Somebody stop me

Or get me started.

Last night Glennis and I tried to meet at another fancy hotel bar for another writing meeting, but our baser instincts took over and we ended up at an Asian bar that sells $4 mixed drinks in pint glasses with hose-like straws. It was like a training center for alcoholics. Anyway, between actual work and a longer-than-necessary ongoing debate about whether or not the term “flossy” could actually be used in conversation (I say no, but apparently I “say it too slow”), Glennis attempted to re-vamp my game.

As previously discussed, I got no game, guys. I don’t have the energy or patience for it, and instead just try to be friendly, nice, and funny. Apparently friendly, nice, and funny is exactly what every guy wants.…in a sister. I am everybody’s favorite sister! Which explains why weirdos will walk through walls of fire to get to me — they are into incest. Remember that episode of Silver Spoons when the tomboy on the softball team shows up for a party/date in a pretty dress and threatens to slug anyone who laughs? That is me. Except I pay rent and go to the gynocologist.

So Glennis, who is my polar opposite in this regard, decided I had to start flirting with strangers. When I got up to go stand in line for the bathroom she demanded that I flirt with the guys waiting, as my first challenge. Having a pint and a half of Mojito in me, I figured I’d give it a shot. This is what happened:

Guy 1: So, only one bathroom is working?
Guy 2: Yeah. We’re all using the women’s. [to me] I feel bad for you girls having to share with a bunch of guys.
Me: Oh, it’s ok — girls are actually pretty messy too.
Guy 2: Messier than guys? I don’t think so.
Guy 1: Oh no, I’ve head that actually.
Guy 2: No way, I don’t think girls bathrooms possibly be as disgusting as guys’.
Me: Well, we have better aim, but we’ve also got more gross stuff going on in there.

Then I made a face like “Eww nasty! You know?” and everyone was quiet and looked away. So, I can flirt now, right? I did it??

At least I throw a mean fastball.