Every now and then, you find a person that you absolutely hate, and yet are shamefully drawn to. They are an affront to everything you stand for — from your respect for intelligence to your refusal to date blondes or homosexuals. If you ever actually got together, you know you’d end up screaming “You huffed all my goddamn aquanet, you dickless stoner! I HATE YOU!� Tear this baby out of me!! DO IT!” as you throw his TV down the stairs of your longterm-stay motel. You pray that you’ll never meet him, because if you did you be married and scratching his eyes out within hours.
Ladies — meet my new husband.
Love,
The Future Former Mrs. McConaughey
He had me at naked drunken bongo playing.