Fashion magazines articles that include the phrase “there’s nothing worse than”. (I.e., “there’s nothing worse than make-up on dry skin!” or “there’s nothing worse than cracked nails.”) Because, yes there is. There are LOTS of things worse than anything written about in a fashion magazine. When I read that phrase I instantly start thinking of worse things, and it’s no fun reading about new bangs while you’re thinking about AIDS.
Blog reviews. WHAT? This exists? Yeah, it does. Reviews are traditionally for things you have to pay for or put effort into experiencing, unlike BLOGS. Where is the market for a blog review? Who is saying “wow, I really don’t have the time to read a blog, but I DO have enough time to read a blog reviewing a blog”? No one. No one is saying that. The only reason to write a blog review is to satisfy some need to be hypercritical — the mark of an arrogant nerd.
Tourist fudge. Sell me a real souvenir, not the same crappy mushy fudge that every goddamn tourist shop pushes. I’d rather eat an over-sized novelty dime than tourist fudge.
Try CrappyFudge…Yes, that is what the company calls their fudge! Now that’s better than a novelty dime! By the way, CrappyFudge tastes pretty darn good.
Eliza Skinner is a comedian, writer, and performer living in Los Angeles. She is part of Diamond Lion and member of Baby Wants Candy improvised musical.
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I bought some fudge at Ellis Island. It was very good. Don’t be hatin’.
That’s immigrant fudge.
I give this post a C minus.
mmmmm… fudge.
I am very much stealing this line for my own, personal use. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to do so, but it’s gonna be funnnnnnnnny.
“I’d rather eat an over-sized novelty dime than tourist fudge. ”
There’s nothing worse than having a good new bangs article ruined by some scourge.
DeCoster: I give your oblivious review a C minus.
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Try CrappyFudge…Yes, that is what the company calls their fudge! Now that’s better than a novelty dime! By the way, CrappyFudge tastes pretty darn good.
Chase