Say something funny.
As a professional comedian, I am frequently asked to “say something funny”. You know, like how architects are always asked to “draw something buildingy” at parties. Like how people are always saying “real quick – remove my moles!” to doctors at movie theaters? No? That doesn’t happen? Hm. Weird.
Last week – as I was being wheeled into surgery*, on a gurney, in a hospital gown with a goddamn IV in my arm – my doctor demanded I say something funny to the nurse. “Go ahead! She’s a comedian – she’s really funny. Do a joke.”
Because it is scary to be in a hospital with a bunch of strangers about to knock you out and poke around inside of you, I was not feeling “hilarious”. So I replied, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m kind of off the clock right now.”
You would think I had just said “Eat a dick, Whitey.” And I kind of wish I had.
“Uh! Whuh! Well, I met Sarah Silverman the other day, and SHE would have told a joke when I asked.”
“Sorry. I guess you should operate on Sarah Silverman then?” The nurse laughed. “And I just made your nurse laugh, so I guess I did say something funny.”
So what I am saying is that I probably have a fork sewn into my intestines now.
*Don’t worry about it. Same old broken gut, nothing too bad.
do you think that people who do “tragedy” get the same requests? Like, you think Sophocles had every dude come up to him and say, “Oh, you’re a tragedian? Come on, man! say something tragic! drop some pity and fear on us!”