Tattooz

Hello internet! I’m working on some new entries, but in the meantime – here is a blast from the past…

I have threatened/planned to get a tattoo for years now. It has taken a long time to wear down my mother’s panic from a “next you’ll stop wearing a bra and get raped in a van by a carnie” fervor into a dulled “what will your children say”/”when you get fat it will look melty” throb. I am also very indecisive, and have occasional bursts of horrible taste. If I had gotten the tattoos I have wanted I would currently have a Mary Jane wrapper on my ankle, an E.T. tramp stamp, the word “Shameless” across my back, and – I assume - a job at a gas station.

But now I am older and wiser, and I figure the world is ending in 3 years anyway, so it’s time to tattoo it up! Here are the ideas I am considering:

• Kittens with bows and tiny machine guns
• Purple pieman holding the severed head of Strawberry Shortcake with the words “Sic Semper Tyranus” under it
• Seagulls all over my face
• The latitude and longitude of the birthplaces of Angelina Jolie’s children
• 01110011 01101100 01110101 01110100 (Binary code for “slut”)
• Cat eyes with dancers for pupils on my shoulder blades
• Screaming half-melted ice cream cone
• The Jem Glitter and Gold roadster I never fucking got for Christmas.
• The phrase “Remember, the enemy’s gate is down.” In Klingon.
• “Xavier Roberts” signature on my ass.
• E.T. tramp stamp

Of course, all of the above would say “Tyler Perry’s _____ tattoo” above them.

I’ll post a pic when I get it finished!

Jem Glitter and Gold Roadster.
It plays tapes! This would have been a sweet Christmas gift, seriously.